The Notes He Didn't Play

For a brief time last night, a giant strode across the stage, huddled and limping. There are few of them left, these pioneers of art. The pleasure of experiencing firsthand what McCoy Tyner can still do with a piano was such that I was moved to extremes of emotion. Elation, sorrow, hope, and difficult to tell which I was feeling at any one time. Though I can tell you that what I felt when that great man stumbled away, off the stage, was a sense of loss for the future.

Smoked Sandwich

olive bun
artichoke dip
smoked tofu
smoked salmon
salt & pepper
post-Sandwich cigarette and coffee

This is quite possibly the best sandwich (pronounced sammich) that I have ever had the pleasure of devouring like a starving wolf. I would have a picture available, but I accidentally ate my cellular phone (which has a camera) while hallucinating post-Sandwich. Yes, it's that good.

You might say while reading the recipe, "But I don't smoke", or "I don't eat salmon, they farm that fish and it's not good for the environment", or "I don't drink coffee", or "I'm allergic to (whatever it is you're allergic to)". To these concerns, I say "Pah!" with great profundity and pomposity. At this point, you may feel free to imagine me smirking and waving my hand in a dismissive fashion. [Edit: Despite the loss of my cellular phone due to a snack-related mishap, you don't have to imagine it! I've found a stock image of me smirking and waving my hand in a dismissive fashion on my hard drive. What are the odds?]

On to the instructions, sparse though they may be. Obviously everything should be sliced thinly in order to achieve full flavour potential, while still being able to fit the Sandwich into your slavering maw. The dip, spread in a thin layer. I suggest de-seeding the tomato (cut it in half and squeeze the pulp out) in order to avoid unnecessary mess. It is possible to substitute certain elements of the Sandwich, but I don't recommend it.

The Bringdown Research Division is currently working on Smoked Sandwich v1.1, attempting to incorporate nicotine and caffeine as ingredients in the Sandwich itself. Those crazy researchers! What will they think of next?